RAGE.

Today, I thought it would be nice to take Baby Kael outside.

I took him outside.

I sat on the ground.

I put him on my lap.

Otto, the dumber of our two German shepherds, walked up to us. He sniffed Kael in greeting.

He spit something on Kael’s foot.

Upon initial examination, all I could think was “crushed olive.” It looked just like a smushed black olive. Except that there was some mushy white stuff oozing from it.

And then I saw the legs.

Otto spit a chewed beetle on Kael’s foot.

I had to pick it off bare-handed.

Why do these things happen to me?

-Caitlin

Being a Rock Star.

This past Saturday (May 30), I had a J-rock themed photoshoot in Portland. I got my hair cut in an asymmetrical, spiky fashion and some purple streaks added. Then I dressed up in a neon blue skirt, purple leggings, and hot pink tank top-thing. Also, I had eye makeup that looked like a box of Froot Loops vomited on me, and purple lipstick. It was pretty great. (pictured below: me being pale)

The shoot was for Ms. Jayla’s hair portfolio, as she is working on setting up her own hairstyling business. It takes a lot of skill and patience to make hair as thick as mine behave, so she obviously knows what she’s doing. Comment if you live in Portland and want her contact information.

Anyway! So we (me and two other pretty Asian ladies with fun hair) were doing the shoot. We were getting individual shots before moving on to the group poses. When it wasn’t my turn in front of the camera, I picked up the pretty red electric guitar that Mr. Photographer Andrew brought. It was missing a string and had no amp and produced no noise at all. I stood on the street corner in downtown Portland strumming the soundless guitar and loudly singing Disney songs. In the middle of my “Under the Sea” rendition, a very proper-looking middle-aged lady walked past. She gazed cooly into my face, turned up her nose, and marched on in a snooty fashion. She didn’t even give me a dollar.

I almost choked on my enormous feather earrings from laughing so hard.

Another fun thing: Some hobo took a picture of me on his camera phone. He’s probably introduced the picture to all of his hobo pals as his girlfriend or something. Awesome.

In conclusion, Ms. Jayla the Hair Lady is great, the shoot was great, and it’s a whole lot of fun to strut through downtown Portland dressed like the above.

-Caitlin

Ice Cream.

We convinced my mom to let us have some ice cream tonight. Initially, joy ensued.

Since I was holding my baby, I asked my sister to get me some ice cream while she was getting hers. She decided instead to play with the baby while he was sitting on my lap, but was not interested in holding him so I could get ice cream for us. I did not get any ice cream.

Later, she went to get ice cream for herself. I asked for some, still holding my baby (he never lets me put him down when he’s awake) and she said, “No.”

I asked again about half an hour later. She asked me what flavor I would like. I asked what flavors we had. She muttered something and returned to the computer. I did not find out what flavors we had.

Another half hour or so later, I asked about available flavors again. She rattled a few off, none of which I enjoy, and ended with “Udderly Chocolate.” I’m a big fan of Udderly Chocolate, so I asked for some. She brought me a cup of Mudslide, which I find too chocolatey. I said, “This is not Udderly Chocolate.” She said, “Oops. I thought something was wrong when I was scooping it, because I was thinking that you don’t like Mudslide.” I said, “Yes. So may I have some Udderly Chocolate?” She replied, “We don’t have any.” She then grumpily requested my help with math.

I am devastated, I feel rather used, and I still don’t have any ice cream. Also, I have some major mosquito bites. This evening sucks.

-Caitlin

Muppetville.

I thought – and Google is backing me up on this – that Muppetville was that fun little place where the Muppets lived. Turns out it’s some little town in the UK that I can find absolutely no information on, but in exchange for money I need to write ten different articles about renting generators and each article must contain the keyword phrase “generator hire Muppetville,” among others. Can you use that phrase in a sentence that makes sense, without copping out and writing about how you can put it in a search engine? Let me know if you can, because I need to write these articles and I’ve used my “PUT IT IN A SEARCH ENGINE, LOL” quota.

Four and a half articles complete, five-point-five to go. Awesome.

-Caitlin

Mommy Day.

I hope you all hugged your mothers, or wives if you’re male and have a wife with children, and told them you love them! If you didn’t, and they’re upset with you and you can’t figure out why, it’s probably because you forgot about Mother’s Day. You horrible person.

I hugged my mom, because I’m a good daughter like that. I also gave her a box of chocolate (but that’s on the down-low so she doesn’t have to share; don’t tell my dad…) Kael did not give me any chocolate, except for the kind he makes himself. It didn’t smell really great, so I decided to just change his diaper and throw it away and give him a kiss on his soft little head. He’s a warm, snuggly little sweetheart, chocolate or no.

We went on a brunch cruise on the Willamette Star with my grandparents. Maybe “brunch” is an inappropriate noun to be applied to the supposedly edible things on board; “yuck” might be more suited. Kael behaved perfectly and got to steer the ship (touch the steering wheel while the captain moved it around) and got a certificate naming him “Captain Kael” to prove it. It’s cute.

I am now returning to graphics-making for Wilsonville Honda. THE END

-Caitlin