The Most Fun Thing About Christmas…

December 28, 2008

…was opening presents from my Great Aunt Penny.

She’s a wonderful person, sweet and kind and very thoughtful, in a “what on earth was she thinking?” sort of way. I have to wonder what, specifically, was going through her mind when she decided that four tiny plastic flamingo replicas and a lump of green foam would be a perfect present for my dad. The package actually tried to commit suicide in the Christmas tree’s water prior to being opened, but my sister rescued it. (The quote “You didn’t save my life, you ruined my death!” from Pixar’s “The Incredibles” comes to mind.) Anyway, she dried it off as best she could (not very well at all, really) and re-wrapped it, leaving my dad with a gross, soggy mass of foam, four drowned flamingos, and a thoroughly saturated mini-booklet which explained how to mix drinks. Nobody in my family drinks at all, as Great Aunt Penny is well aware…

Other hilarious presents included a “fashion brooch” – a pewter teapot with tiny silverware hanging off the bottom – for my mom; a gingerbread man pin dripping green glitter and a National Geographic Kids magazine printed in 2003 for my brother; and a box of long-expired chocolate for my dad. I, sadly, did not unwrap anything nearly so entertaining, but I think my sister’s gift well made up for that. Because my sister received…

A tiny purple hippopotamus wearing a tutu.

I’m not even joking.


I really don’t know what to say about this. It’s a tiny hippopotamus. In a tutu. And it’s purple.

Entirely related:

In other news, the Portland Trail Blazers beat the Toronto Raptors tonight (December 27; GMT is silly) 102-89. I learned that “Raptors” refers to dinosaurs, not large birds of prey. I wish Portland’s mascot was a dinosaur, that’d be pretty sweet. Or even a purple hippopotamus. Instead we have “Blaze, the Trail Cat.” I thought it was a wolf for a really long time. And what do cats have to do with the blazing of trails, anyway?

To finish this post, here’s Travis Outlaw’s very impressive more-than-half-court shot at the buzzer.



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